SELF ESTEEM

Self-esteem is made up of three elements: -

· what you think of yourself
· what you think other people think of you
· what you think you should be like.

Self-esteem: the perception one has of one’s own competence and the ability to cope with any situation that arises


1.1.1 How is self-esteem developed?

From the moment that babies take their first breath, they begin to experience feelings. Babies do not have the language to think conscious thoughts about it, so they experience feelings. Babies might experience a feeling of comfort and wellbeing, because their parents care for them by feeding them when they are hungry, wrapping them in a blanket when it is cold and holding and touching them lovingly to make them feel wanted. Or babies can feel neglected if they do not get fed on time or if they are left alone for long periods of time without being cared for or caressed lovingly.

The babies in the first situation will already have experienced their first positive feedback from others, which will foster a positive, healthy self-image. The babies in the second situation already feel that they are not worthy of other people’s love, and they start to develop a negative self-image.

For the rest of our lives, every experience contributes towards building our self esteem. When we experience something good we feel successful and our self-esteem grows. When something bad happens, we feel like a failure and our self-esteem takes a knock and spirals downward.


People with good self-esteem are: -

· confident
· willing to take risks
· relaxed
· not afraid of criticism
· motivated




People with bad self-esteem are: -

· negative
· unmotivated
· shy and lacking in confidence
· scared of risk
· nervous and uncertain
· react negatively to criticism




1.1.2 Is it possible to improve my self-esteem?

Yes, it is! It is not easy and might take some time, but such a change can turn your life around. You first need to understand all the dimensions of self-esteem before you can do anything to change it.

Self-esteem comprises five dimensions: -

i. dexterity or skill
ii. intellectual
iii. psychological
iv. physical
v. gender


i) My dexterity and skills
How good am I with my hands? Can I easily learn new skills like playing a musical instrument, or am I good with sewing or making things? If I tried sewing, for instance, when I was little and someone laughed at my efforts, I might get the idea that I will never be good at it. If I am able to learn to do something fairly easily, I will know that I am good at it. If something negative happens more than once. I will become convinced that I am hopeless. The opposite is also true.

ii) My intelligence
If my parents react positively to things I say and do, the idea that I am OK will be reinforced in my mind. If they say things like ‘clever boy!’ or ‘good girl!’, I will start believing that I am clever. At school, this dimension of my self- esteem gets fed every day, because now I start comparing myself with my peers. If others constantly do better than me, I will believe that I am stupid, and if I do better than others, I will be convinced that I am clever.

iii) My psychological characteristics
Through experiences, I will either see myself as a well-balanced person, who knows what I want, or I will regard myself as a person who cannot make decisions, and will overcompensate in other things.

iv) My physical attributes
This is the dimension to which people pay most attention. This is about what you look like. Sometimes a person’s perception of what others think about their appearance is very different from what others really think. Unfortunately, your appearance often determines how others treat you. Boys will pay more attention to a pretty, slender girl than to a plain, overweight girl, even if the second girl is a much nicer person. That is why the beauty and slimming industries are multi-billion Rand industries.

v) My gender dimension
This is influenced by the society in which I grow up. The traditional views and values of my community will determine the role that I am expected to fulfil as a man or a woman. This differs greatly from culture to culture, It is very important that each person assesses objectively what the priority is in his or her life, and then strives to reach those goals for himself or herself.


1.2.3 How can I improve my self-esteem?

i) Do not be afraid to change
Take control of your own life today, and fearlessly go for it! Make a conscious decision that you are going to stop cowering in your corner, and boldly make the changes necessary to improve your life.

ii) Accept yourself
Make a list of your positive attributes, and focus on them rather than attributes that you are not satisfied with. Also look at your negative attributes, and decide what needs to be done to improve on them.

iii) Be positive
Enjoy life! Be thankful for what you receive every day, and you will start feeling fortunate. Believe in yourself and your abilities, and you will see things starting to change for the better.

iv) Set realistic objectives
Just wishing you could be more beautiful or good at sports, will not make it so. You would have to pay more attention to your appearance, by dressing your best and having your hair cut professionally or diet to lose the extra weight to look better. You might also have to practise very long and hard to become a good golfer or athlete.

v) Accept others for what they are
Treat others as you would like to be treated. Look beyond appearances, and do not judge before you know a person.



Activity 3
Individual work

1.
Make two lists:
a. all your skills and attributes that you feel good about
b. things about yourself that you would like to change

2.
On the list that you made in 1 b), write a goal for achieving each item.

3.
Explain how you can help a staff member do what you did in No. 2, above.

Points to ponder. . .
v Do you think that an emotionally intelligent person has good self-esteem?
v Do you think that a good leader needs to have good self-esteem?